I’ve started going back to the gym on a regular basis. In the mornings. For some reason it’s always easier for me to go to the gym when it’s dark out. Anyway.
A couple mornings a week I go to a spinning class at 5:30 am. That means getting up at 5, which isn’t too bad if I go to bed at a decent time. I’m somewhat of a morning person, but I’m still pretty out of it before class. Afterward, I’m wide awake. Usually.
Evidently, spinning for an hour this morning didn’t work to wake me up as much as it normally does.
See, I go to a frou-frou gym where there are lots of amenities. They provide all sorts of supplies in the locker rooms like Q-tips, lotion, mouthwash, deodorant, hairspray, etc. So this morning I got dressed and did my hair, and right before I left, I decided I liked how my hair turned out so I thought I’d use a little hairspray. I stopped by the sink, grabbed the bottle and lightly misted my hair. It didn’t seem to do much. So I sprayed a little more. Still no hold. I figured it must be some cheap hairspray since it was the stuff they provide, so I went ahead and sprayed my hair again. Nothing.
It was then that I noticed a rather sickeningly, sweet smell surrounding my head. Not the slightly acidic smell of hairspray, but a strong mix of floral scents. Something like what I imagine my great aunt’s bathroom might smell like. Finally, it occurred to me that perhaps the reason the hairspray wasn’t holding was because it wasn’t hairspray.
I realized that the hairspray bottle is exactly the same shape and color as another bottle and I had doused my hair (three times) in spray-on deodorant.
So now my head smells like an armpit.